April 2010 Catch up!

I have not been very good at blogging the last two months so this is my attempt to remember some important things and record them.

First of all, was General Conference. I loved it! Most of the talks were about family and parenthood. Sometimes I wish I had heard these talks when I was still raising my children. Maybe I would have been a better parent! On Sunday, afternoon there was a talk given that really impressed me. I was actually starting to snooze a little and I suddenly awakened with a strong feeling that I, especially, needed to hear this talk. (I have been praying for guidance in certain areas of my life and wanting to know more what I could do better!) As I opened my eyes I saw and heard this man speaking: It was Bradley D. Foster of the Seventy. I knew this talk was an answer to a prayer. I especially loved his story about the mother cows and the calves. How grateful I am for good men and leaders of this church.

Second, Easter was on General Conference Sunday. As usual we had invited all the children and grandchildren over for dinner and an Easter Egg hunt. I love when we all get together. The children love getting togethe and playing all over the house while the adults share stories, laugh and tend to little ones. We missed Jenn, Jason, Jaylee and Jenni who were in Pennsylvania and Brian, Mary, Jenna, Catie and Matthew who were away visiting relatives in Ellensburg, Washington.As good as the kids and parents were at find all the eggs we found some several weeks later. Luckily these were plastic eggs with candy and were still edible.

Third, this was also Mark and my 38th wedding anniversary. Mark took the day off work and after a morning of getting things done around the house we took a drive to the Olympic Peninsula to see the Lake Quinalut Rainforst. It was good to get away and just drive and talk. Mark may not agree since he did all the driving. We found the Lake Quinault Lodge and ate. It was very good! One might argue it was not exactly worth the price.I loved the atmosphere of the lodge and especially dining while overlooking the lake. It was cloudy and misty just as you would imagine a rainforest would be.
Then we took a drive around one of the roads in the rainforest and this is what we saw:Lots of little streams and falls!

Rainforests are amazing and beautiful! Miles of moss-covered trees!


Also in April we were invited to a little program/concert by Tommy. Cute, Cute, Cute! We love it when we get to attend grandchildren's programs, etc. The program was about the alphabet and especially the vowels. Darling songs!

Tommy was in the chorus!

We went to the Daffodil/Tulip festival near Mount Vernon. Talk about beauty! The flowers were so bright and colorful.

Like being in Holland!! Cute place named RoozenGarrde near Mount Vernon.

What a special occasion to be able to attend the open house of the Vancouver, Canada Temple.
We went with Maria, Eric, Tommy, Blake and Brody. I was so impressed with the little ones. They were so reverent through the tour of the temple. They stayed pretty close to our guide and listened to her when she spoke. Of course they sometimes moved around a lot like little boys, but always calmed right down when asked to be reverent. I noticed this even more when they were in the celestial room. I just hope they felt of the beauty and the spirit that was there.

At the end of the month I got to go with James, Jamie, Ryan, Emily and Allie to the Woodland Park Zoo to celebrate Emily's 4th birthday. It started out fairly dry, but really rained during the trek around the zoo. I was so amazed at Emily's attention to all the animals for a 4 year old. She always looked at and commented about each animal she saw. I especially enjoyed watching the zookeepers move the giraffes from one field, across the pathway, to a building for keeping dry. That close up they really looked tall...even the baby giraffe. Before we left, we found a place to eat and get out of the rain. The ride home was interesting since I sat in the seat next to Allie, who smiled and played almost all the way home. But, just at the end she was coaxing me to get her out of her seat (first politely, then a little more forcefully). She made me smile!

So you can see why it took me so long to post this. So many things to do. In fact, I was able to do it today because I have a nasty cold and stayed home from church. I must admit I have a full and blessed life!

Slowly Slipping Away

Yesterday, I had my mother with me the whole day. I have had the blessing of being able to spend time with my mom on a regular basis. But, this time, I, sadly, realized that I am losing a little part of my mother each day. It was a bittersweet experience. I loved having her here so we could talk, visit my dad’s gravesite, and let her spend time with a couple of my children and some of my grandchildren. I know she loves and appreciates the visits. But, I also noticed some subtle, but sad changes in her. I am realizing that her Alzheimer's is slowly progressing and therefore, she is slowly changing. I realize that when I talk to some others they haven't really noticed a change, but I do.

I noticed that when she is away from Rose’s home she has more anxiety than usual. Rose’s home is the place that is most familiar to her and where she feels the most comfortable. At my house when I was upstairs for a little while, she got up and was anxiously looking around the house. When she saw me she was obviously relieved and said, “Oh, Jenny, I wondered where you had gone.” Her memory doesn't hold quite as long as it used to. In one hour I had to tell her many times that we were going to go the Tahoma National Cemetery to visit dad’s gravesite. On the 7 miles trip there she must have asked me 4 times where we were going. When I ran into a store to get some flowers, she preferred to stay in the car. When I got back with the flowers, she asked what they were for. Later, I mentioned that Rebecca was going to meet us there. When she saw her, she knew she should be familiar, but couldn’t remember her name and acted surprised that she came. I notice that she tells me more frequently and somewhat sadly, "See I don't remember that".

Her topics of conversation mostly revolve around dad, Rose and John. If you ask her question about other family members she draws a blank. Don't get me wrong she remembers each of her children, she just doesn't remember anything recent to talk about. She misses dad so much and wants to talk about the things she can remember about him…..his mission to West Virginia, their brief courtship, how hard he worked, their missions together and his being unable to care for himself at the end. She must have told me 50 times by now how when she knew he was going to die soon, that she told him, “Now when you get there you be sure and tell Heavenly Father not to wait too long to come and get me so that we can be missionaries together on the other side.” I think she talks about this frequently because she wants to be with him so much and that it seems like a good reason for Heavenly Father to let her go be with him.

She gets details mixed up and if her feelings get hurt, she remembers the emotions, but gets things confused. She is just sure that Rose and John do not want her there permanently (obviously not true)….and that some day she will be without a place to live. No amount of reassurance helps for very long, because she forgets the reassurance quickly (but not the perceived idea that they don’t really want her there). I’m sure I have no idea how these feelings must eat at her every day and cause her unneeded worry. Rose mentioned that mom doesn’t want to keep score anymore when they play table games (possibly due to no longer being able to do the math). Also, that she gets the games of Scrabble and Dominoes mixed up some times. (Interesting though, that she can still rattle off all 55 counties in West Virginia...a contest she won as a little girl in school).

Lately, I have noticed a sadness and fear in her eyes. I think there are two reasons for that. First, that she is so lonely without dad, and second, that she realizes that she just simply is losing her memory more and more. Rose said that it is different each day in how much she forgets. I can’t imagine being in a place that is unfamiliar to you and not knowing why you are there. Or, going to bed each night and not remembering significant events of the day. (Or even remembering throughout the day any event). It must be scary to have to have to live in the present, but only be able to remember well the past. She hasn’t forgotten me yet, but when I was out of her sight for a little bit she got worried. In the evening when we went out to eat, I noticed some anxiety in her. She stayed very close to me and insisted on sitting right next to me at the table. Maria, said that when I had taken Brody outside for a little walk, that she seemed a little disoriented. She first asked for Rose. Later, she kept asking where I was. Unfamiliarity and frequent lack of memory equals fear for her. No wonder she likes being where she remembers where she is and what room she is in.

I remember the phrase Nancy Reagan used in referring to President Reagan’s Alzheimer’s disease….”it is the long good-bye”. But, it is not just a long good-bye for those who love someone with Alzheimer’s disease, but it is also a long good-bye for those who have it. They are slowly having to say good-bye to their own memories of relationships and of life experiences here on this earth. It is heartbreaking!! And that makes me want to cry!! However, I do believe with all my heart, that the mind may forget, but the spirit will always remember. I am grateful for the knowledge that in the hereafter she will have her perfect memory back.

I hope she will not have to suffer long with this disease…for her sake! I hope that she will get her greatest desire to soon be with my dad. In the meantime, I am so grateful to Rose and John for taking such good care of her and for their desire to make her life as stress-free and comfortable as possible. And I plan to continue to visit her on a regular basis because even if she eventually forgets who I am, "I remember who she is". (a quote from a story on Alzheimer's that I recently read)

Times are Changing!

My how times have changed. Last Tuesday, Mark and I went to the DMV to get our enhanced driver's licenses. We had to bring birth certificates, our current driver's licenses, some pieces of current mail from a federal or offical business....i.e. home owner's insurance policy, health insurance bill, etc. to prove we are Washington residents. We knew it would be long....but not 3 hours and 45 minutes. We met another couple waiting to get theirs and they told us they were moving 3 people an hour for the enhanced DL. At that moment we had about 15 people ahead of us. I had assumed that since the Vancouver Olympics were over, there wouldn't be so many people applying.

When we finally got up to the window, it took about 5 minutes to take our application, and other documents. Next, we waited a little over 1/2 hour while they take our paperwork into another room to run it through a computerized security checkout. After that you get your picture taken where they use Biometric Metric identification where they use special digital technology to focus in on my special facial features....eye sockets, cheekbones, and sides of the mouth. The photo is reduced to digital code. This helps prevent ID theft and ID duplication. When you get your enhanced DL. it will also have a Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) tag embedded into the license that stores certain data on it. At the border data can be retrieved from my license where they match my information with their records. The enhanced driver's license is good to cross borders with Canada, Mexico, and the Carribean by land or sea travel only....not by air.

I also learned that I would never be able to just take grandchildren with me across the Canadian or Mexican border without written consent of their parents, preferably notarized. Also, one parent can not take his or her very own child without a written consent (which one can download from the internet) from the other parent. All this to prevent child abduction by a stranger or even a parent or relative.

I remember back when you could go to Canada and return with just an ordinary driver's license that didn't even have a photo. I just can't imagine that I fit the profile of a terrorist! But, after hearing on the news about Jihad Jane, I guess they just don't trust their own profiles.

Mark and I are hoping to make it to the Vancouver Temple open house in April. We also plan to go to Niagara Falls (Canadian side) this July when we go to visit Jason's family. Maybe someday, it would be fun to go to Mexico, but after listening to the news about some Americans being targeted and shot in Mexico near the American/Mexican border, maybe we will wait until things have calmed down.

When I am just at home I don't dwell on national security and safety issues, but when I get ready to travel I am reminded that things just aren't like they used to be.

Memories of My Father

My dad passed away October 30, 2009 at the age of 89. So much has been said and recorded about his life, but I want to post some of my own personal memories for my posterity.

This picture was taken when my dad was about 7 years old. It's hard to imagine your father as a child. He had a rather strict father, but a very gentle mother. When he talked about his childhood it was usually about growing up on a ranch, herding steers out to pasture or wherever they could find good places for them to graze. He would stay days at a time away from home before he would bring them back. He talked about breaking in wild horses when he was a little bit older. He loved it and was good at it. He always sang us songs about cowboys: "Poor Jack Was Just A Cowboy" and "Little Joe, the Wrangler" were a couple of them. His dream was to have a family, be a farmer or rancher and raise his children there.

He tells about how one day his father came to the family and told them he had sold the ranch, was going to buy another place and use some of the money from the sell of the ranch to send my dad on a mission. My dad had a missionary heart. He was thrilled. He was sent and spent the last year of his mission in West Virginia where he met my mom. He kept a journal of his experiences and it is evident from all his entries that he worked very hard, occasionally not having enough food, and not having too much success. That changed when he moved to the city where my mom lived with her mother and sisters. My widowed grandmother, Minnie Merrell, fed all the missionaries as often as they needed and took care of them in every way she could. He grew to love this lady and especially one of her daughters.



I remember one day while driving him to see his brother, Jerry about a year ago. Out of the blue, he asked, "Jenny, would you support mom and I on another mission?" I was a little taken back and asked him what kind of a mission was he thinking of....a ward missionary, helping support missionaries financially, or a full-time missionary. (Somehow I knew what his answer was going to be). He said, "A full time mission". He wanted to put papers in. I smiled remembering that he has always been an enthusiastic missionary for the church. I told him, I was pretty sure he would have to pass a medical examination first. My mom, or course, chimed in saying, "Arthur, we can't go on a mission, you can't walk!!" I will always remember this knowing that his heart was so willing. No one I have ever met has desired to do missionary work for the Lord more than my dad.

Farmer


Oh, how he loved farming! He worked so hard both in Chilco, Idaho and Moses Lake, Washington. To help make ends meet he also worked as a lumberjack near Kellog, Idaho. That was hard work. I remember sleeping in a tent for several days at a time while he worked cutting trees for lumber. I also remember he cut trees for Christmas and hauled them to Arizona to sell in December. He taught us how to work hard, too. I learned to disk and harrow with a team of horses when I was 8 or 9. When he thought I was old enough he taught me to drive. I was responsible from the time I was 9 until I was almost 13 to take big huge milk cans in the car trunk and fill them with water from the neighbors until we could dig a well. I actually liked helping him in the fields, although not crazy about thinning the beets. He would come in at night just exhausted and having back pain. Here is a picture of our family when we lived in Moses Lake.


Dad and Mom in the back row,
From right to left in 2nd row: Jenny, Sandee, Myron, Ed, Sharon, Jan
From left to right in 3rd row: Mark, Roseanne, Nancy Kerry, and Amy

This is where we lived in a 4 room house, built by my dad. He was planning on digging a well and building a big home after the harvest of his first crops. I can still see him in my mind's eye looking out over his crops and admiring how good they were looking, telling us how this was going to be a good year, and talked of his plans for building our new home, building a barn a little later and having all his kids learn farm work. I was always proud to drive up to our farm and see how beautiful the crops looked. Other farms had weeds growing just as big as their crops, but our didn't. Sandee and I were old enough to milk the 1 cow we had, but the others were a little too young to learn to do as much work. Unfortunately, his crops froze or for some other reason did not yield a good crop for 3 years. It breaks my heart to remember how hard he worked and how hard he tried to make living as a farmer.

I remember the day he came home and told us that Boeing (a branch in Moses Lake) had hired him, was sending back to school to the University of Washington. I was very nervous about moving to such a big city. I could tell dad was just hoping to work long enough to save enough money to come back to farming.My mom was relieved. She always worried about my dad and his back pain. So we packed up everything we owned and moved to Seattle.

Dad worked at Boeing until he retired. He was smart, wrote manuals for the flight analyst program at Boeing, taught classes and for some reason they always kept him on even when Boeing was laying off thousands of their employees. He won many awards...here is a picture of him receiving one of them.



This is how I remember my dad the most,


Random Thoughts:
No one worked harder than my dad. I remember one time wanting a formal for a church dance - the Gold and Green Ball. I knew there was no extra money and had just decided not to go. My dad came up with some money somehow and insisted that we go out and find me a formal dress. I had mixed emotions about that. I knew we needed the money for other things, I really wanted to go to the dance, and I knew my dad would be hurt if I turned him down. I hadn't seen that soft side of him before. He was usually telling me not to be proud and to wear the best Sunday dress I had.

I remember that he always found someone who needed a ride to church. Since we had absolutely no room in our car he had the oldest children walk to church, which was a couple miles or more. I walked in heels up those steep Seattle hills. The day we got our big van was so exciting. We had room for everyone in one trip. Of course there were no seatbelt laws and half of us held a younger sibling on our laps.

I remember him playing a lot of sports with his kids. Basketball at the church, softball in any field he could find, bowling leagues and football at any picnic we had.

My dad held family home evenings before it became an offical program of the church on Monday nights. We called them Family Night. It always included a little lesson, songs, and everyone got to do a little trick or stunt...which was most often, standing on your hands, singing a song, wrestling, or our favorite was when mom and dad would box. My mom is related to Jack Dempsey and she was a boxer. She could box my dad right into a corner and took it quite seriously,. My dad usually started lauging at her, which made her box all the harder. I think it would have been kind of hard for my dad to jab her very hard in front of all his kids. We always had some kind of refreshment which was important in keeping everyone interested in the activity. I remember one particulary home evening. He had decided we were going to go around the room and tell each other one thing we really like about them. I was at an age, where I was not a very nice teen-ager. I pretty much ignored my dad at this age, and complained a lot to my mother. The part I remember the most, was when it came time for my dad to say something about me, I held my breath. I knew I did not deserve any kind comments from him. I also knew my dad would not just make something up. I remember to this day, that he said I had the prettiest smile of all the people he knew and that he loved it when I did smile. Whew! I was glad he said something good, but most of all I have never forgotten it all these years.

When I was helping to care for him in his later years, he was so appreciative and humble. He rarely complained. I remember one day the last 2 weeks of his life, he was sitting in his big chair and I noticed that he was making his leg go up and down constantly. I asked him why? He had a difficult time telling me so I asked him a lot of questions. Come to find out, his bum was sore and it hurting him a lot. There was no groaning, no loud noises, just moving his leg up and down. Once we figured it out, we moved him to his bed on his side and he whispered, "Thanks, Jenny!"

I loved how he treated my mom, especially after she started having a lot of memory problems. No matter how many times she repeated a story, he listened. If someone asked her a queston and she couldn't remember the answer, he would just quietly say the answer. Whereever they were, my mom didn't stray too far away from him. He was her security! On the other hand, she always was close by in case he needed her for anything. Their's is a marriage that grew and evolved over time to the most comfortable, trusting, and loving relationship I have ever seen.




My most fond memory of him was when he came to visit me in France while I was on my mission. He had been sent to England by Boeing and took a little side trip to France. I was serving near Paris and so it was easy to make connections. I remember seeing him at customs, and looking a little nervous that everyone was talking French. He seemed rather relieved that I was able to come nearby and translate for him. He was fun for my companion and I. He went to one of our church activities. It was fun introducing him to everyone. A lot of the youth loved trying to talk to him in English, which was nice for him. But, what I remember the most, was the father's blessing he gave me. I had been sick a lot and was discouraged. I felt a lot of peace after that and knew I was being looked after by a loving Heavenly Father.

Having been the oldest I have seen the most transformation in my dad than most of the other siblings. (I am sure that is true for most oldest children.) I remember him being strict, sometimes a little harsh, and quite rigid. But, I always knew he wanted to be a good person. He wanted to be the best father he could. I saw how the gospel softened him and guided him to be the gentle, most compassionate, most appreciative, most loving person there ever could be. Now, I have no excuse for not becoming a better person, having the perfect example of a person who showed by example how one humbles himself and changes to become the person he was meant to be.

I am grateful to have had this wonderful man as my father. He was just the father I needed even in his most imperfect moments. I love him and look forward to being with him and mom in the eternities....if I can measure up.



We are proud of you, dad!

Caring for my parents!

Rose has gone to Chile for 3 weeks with Martin and Andrea. John leaves to day to join her. I've have the opportunity to go help with my parents for a few days. I have even more gratitude and appreciation for all that Rose and John do for them. Mom loves having someone from the family to reminisce with. I think it is interesting that she always speaks about the positive things in her life. I don't know if that is a conscious effort on her part or if she just doesn't remember the negative things. She can be delightful if you don't mind hearing the same stories several times a day. Her eyes just light up when she tells you some of her growing up stories about her dad, mom and sisters. She can get very animated when she talks about meeting my dad for the first time.

She can be very helpful caring for dad. She's always right there when he needs something and I think she is the only one who knows how to stop his coughing when he chokes. She puts her hand somewhere on his back and rubs and voila, he stops choking - albeit just for a few minutes. You do have to watch her because she will forget and try to feed him part of her sandwich (he's on thickened pureed foods). Sometimes when dad takes an extra long time to eat you might catch her eating some of his dinner. That can be a serious problem if she eats his applesauce which has his medicine crushed into it. She is a pretty high functioning person with alzheimers, but you do have to watch her carefully.


Dad was having hard time smiling and keeping his eyes open at the same time. But after a few tries this is what we got. He is struggling. He is getting harder and harder to move. We can get him to his feet, but his knees bend a lot and he is having trouble moving his feet. I sometimes stand behind him and hold him up while mom stands him front and guides him holding his hands. During the hot weather, we discovered that if he doesn't get enough fluids, he gets very sleepy and it is hard to keep him awake even during his meals. But, he is still an angel to care for. At one point I felt prompted to tell him that when it is his time to go, we promises to take good care of mom and see that she gets the best of care. He, in his whisper of a voice, said "I appreciate that."


One of their favorite things to do is go out in the yard in their swing. They will sit, hold hands and talk for an hour or so, until dad gets uncomfortable.


They love when family drops by. Maria and Eric came to visit them on their way home from Seaside last week. Before they got here, she kept saying, "Now who is coming?". I'd explain that it was my daughter, Maria and her husband, Eric. I could tell she could not remember exactly who they were. But, after they left she could remember very well who they are.

It is a pleasure to visit and care for them. I do hope I age as sweet and appreciative as they are.

A Summer of Reunions

***WARNING*** This a a very long blog. I had all these pictures on my camera with some on the card and some on internal memory. I couldn't figure out for the longest time how to get the internal memory pictures on my computer. So now you get two months worth of pictures in one blog.

LEE FAMILY REUNION
There is nothing as fun as family reunions - even with all the hard work and planning it takes to have one. This summer has been a fun one for me. First my side of the family (The Lee's) had their regular reunion at the Ensign Ranch. This was an emotional one because we wonder if my dad will ever be able to make another one. (But then again, he is stubborn and could fool us all) Here are some pictures and memories: (A lot of these pictures are from Rebecca, the family photographer. If she is around the rest of us tend not to take as many pictures. We sure keep her busy.)


Arthur and Betty Lee - Patriarch and Matriarch of this huge family.


So many activities: Organized games for the children, slip and slide, horses (to feed and ride), horseshoes for the adults, boating, and indoor pool, shuffleboard, etc. You could always find something to do. And the cousins loved just hanging out and playing with each other.













Good Food


A special family home evening, Here are my parents with all of their children. At the end of the program they sang a song they had sung in church many, many years ago - "I Stand All Amazed".


The highlight of the whole reunion was a special blessing given by my dad to all his posterity. Unable to speak it himself, Ed had spent time with my dad weeks before the reunion learning from dad that he wanted to give a blessing and what he wanted to say. My mom read it and it was hard to hold back the tears when hearing it. Thanks Ed and also for finding the recorded talk that dad gaves years ago in a Sacrament Meeting before he and my mom left for one of their missions. It was just perfect for the occasion.

STRINGHAM FAMILY REUNION
This was our first official Stringham Family Reunion. Whenever Jason and family comes into town we have gotten together. But, this time my brother, Ed let us use his beach house in Seaside Oregon to be able to just get away. It is the cutest beach housse I have ever seen. The back door leads leadss to a deck and right past that is the beach. The kids had so much fun playing in the sand, riding the waves on boogie boards, roasting marshmallows in the fire pit, playing with all their cousins, and spending wonderful time with their parents. How fun to have undivided attention for each other.

Here are some pictures from our camera and of course from Rebecca:
The beach house from the ocean.

The whole Stringham Family

Playing in the sand.

Grandpa was in charge of seeing that Brody didn't eat the sand. Whoops! But, he did get this picture.

Hanging out inside while it was raining outside.

The cousins played together so well.

Cousins bedroom. Up to 8 kids slept here with two in sleeping bags on the floor.

We had wonderful food. I ate way too much and I have no idea why the chair cushion is in the middle of the table.

The kids loved playing in the ocean as well as the guys. Tommy and Eric before they were called out of the water for a white shark sighting! Can't believe we let them go back later, but we did after we were told they were gone. How do they know for sure?

Jason Stringham on the boogie board. He ended up breaking one of them - must have been some wild waves. Jason Kidd was right behind him.

Roasting marshmallows was a favorite and I think we all agree that Ethan was the best marshmallow roaster. Notice the tent in the background, Yep, we had two families bring tents, Mendenhalls and the Kidds and they loved listening to the ocean waves at night.


Jaylee and Audrey led me to their secret "cave". They spent hours fixing it up with little places to sit. Theytold me they were digging to the other side of the world to "Australia".

The kids being buried up to their waists in the sand. Most of them loved the idea, but a couple said "no way"!

Grandma and Grandpa with all the grandkids, my favorite picture of the reunion.

Pike Place Market with Jason, Jenn, Jaylee and Jenni.

This is such a fun place to visit.

First off they bought Grandma and Grandpa a boquet of flowers. Thanks so much!

Jaylee getting a close look at a big fish. This place is famous for their fresh fish.

They have some pretty hair ribbons there.

Jenni chose the pink and Jaylee chose the multi-colored one.


Jaylee getting a picture of the "Hello, I'm a monk fish" -- pretty brave of her considering it tends to move unexpectedly.


So much easier to enjoy when you up above the crowds.

Thanks for the memories!